20-something & Married

Danny is my better half. He calms me down when I’m mad, he’s the quiet one and I am the loud one, he’s level headed and well let’s just say I lose my shit rather easily. It’s crazy to see how fast a year went by in our marriage! This week Danny and I will be celebrating our first marriage anniversary! After a year of marriage I’ve learned so many things from him and vice-versa, still learning. I thought I’d share a little of what’s worked in our marriage, what we’ve learned and I am in no way suggesting this works for everyone.dsc02520_fotor

Marriage is fun. 

Being with your best friend all the time is the best! He’s the first person I see when I wake up and the last person I see when I go to bed.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T! 

If there’s one thing my parents have instilled in me through my life is to respect one another. Danny and I never had a fight or an argument, I’m serious. Our marriage is not perfect by any means but we really have never fought or argued; we discuss things. You’re probably thinking that I’m lying but I think a fight requires both parties to be screaming or yelling at each other which we don’t do; An argument is both of us going back and forth abut our differences and we don’t do that. We simply discuss things. I am not saying we do not get annoyed or mad at each other but we walk away from the problem and come back to it once we, I, are calm. I can go from 0-100 real quick it may be due to my height haha. But in all seriousness, if theres one thing Danny and I don’t do is speak out in anger, no matter how much we want to. It may be hard for someone like me to hold things back but my marriage is important.

Communication

I know, I know we hear this all the time but it really is super important. I am the queen of shutting down when I feel any emotion other than happiness and it really was a problem. It’s not that I can’t talk about it because I don’t want to it’s because I literally do not know how to put into words. Within the year I have learned how to communicate by writing letters to Danny. I could put my emotions on paper and really explain my feelings. It’s definitely helped me with communicating verbally and I am slowly but surely getting better at it.

Which also brings me to my next point in this area; PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN! I know a lot of people think that they are listening while someone is talking while they’re on their phones. They are hearing not listening, know the difference. Danny and I always make sure that we do not bring our phones out at the dining room table, when we’re talking about something important or just having a normal conversation about some random stuff. Marriage is about listening and making time for one another and putting down that damn phone shouldn’t be a problem.

Compromise 

I FUCKING HATE this word. Excuse my language but I really do! It has such negative connotation. I dislike this word because I do not think a marriage is about “compromise.” Honestly, I don’t feel as if I have ever given anything up for Danny. Yes, I may be less selfish but thats not because I, “Accepted something that is lower than desirable,” that’s just stupid. I am less selfish because there are two people now and marriage is about being selfless. I just really do not feel as if I have ever compromised anything and same goes for Danny. We’ve talked about this word and we just do not feel like this applies in our marriage. Marriage is about two people willing to do things for one another and not because we HAVE to but because we WANT to.

Let it go! 

Take some advice from Elsa from Frozen and let it go, let it gooooo. Danny and I never lived together until we moved to Okinawa. There are things that would drive me up the wall in the beginning. He likes to take off his socks and leave them on the couch or in the living room floor. It used to just drive me crazy and make me so mad! I never went off on him I simply just spoke to him about it and I can’t say he completely stopped doing it because just yesterday I found some socks but I learned that it is not that serious. I mean, I can get mad about it and pout or just pick them up and throw them in the hamper, which is much easier. There are things that I do as well that drove Danny crazy at first, such as not fully putting lids back on (it’s a bad habit), but he too has learned that it will happen here and there. Trust me, you’ll get through it, just breathe!

The little things, insert heart emojis. 

I appreciate absolutely everything Danny does for me. I remember always hearing, “Flowers!? Oh he won’t do that once you’re married,” but why is everyone so mad about not receiving flowers!? Danny hasn’t stopped doing it, it doesn’t happen as frequently as it used to but IT DOESNT MATTER. My absolute favorite thing he does is when he gets home from work and he stopped at the store he brings me my favorite chocolate or those awesome F’real shakes. Its the little things that make me me swoon over him. It just shows me he’s thinking about me.

Marriage is not scary

I have had my friends who aren’t married ask if marriage is hard and it really isn’t. I have learned that people who are single see marriage as losing a part of yourself or everything changing and it’s simply not true. I am my own person and Danny is his own person. Yes, we’ve picked up many things from each other but we are still individuals but also, we are one, if that makes any sense. Nobody should be scared of marriage, it’s really a lovely thing. We do have our own hobbies and that’s the best thing to do, have a little separation from each other. I love to write, I mean I’m not the best at it but I enjoy it hence, the blog. This is mine! Danny doesn’t look at it or tell me what to do with it, I ask him for advice here and there but this is my thing. His thing is photography, I never interfere with it. DSC02502_Fotor.jpg

We have had an amazing 1st year and it has been nothing but fun! We are still learning but that’s what life and marriage is about. He makes me so happy and I could go on and on about him and swoon about everything he does but you will be here for years trying to understand and ain’t no one got time for that. I can’t wait to build more years together and go on more awesome adventures. Thanks for tuning in everyone!

 

-J. Teg

 

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