Hello beautiful people! I know I’ve been on a hiatus from the blog and Instagram. I thought I’d explain since I do take breaks often. Also, one of my friends inspired me to talk about it with her post, thanks Stephany.
I never talk about my personal issues, I’m pretty sure you all know this by now, because it’s always been hard for me but I think being transparent with everyone is the best thing to do. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes my depression is so strong I don’t want to get out of bed or I’m just emotionally drained I want to sleep all day. This last time I just wanted to cry all day and I felt so frustrated with it. I wanted to just make it stop because I had no reason to feel that way. I felt like something was drowning me and I just couldn’t make it go away. I would go to bed and just start crying and Danny would just wipe the tears away. I know Danny wanted to make it better and I am so happy that I have him because although he can’t control my emotions he’s always there. One night I had to cancel plans because I was so emotionally drained. I didn’t know what to tell my friends because I never spoke about it to anyone but my husband but I knew I had to be honest with them. I had to tell them what I was going through. When I did they were so encouraging and let me know that it was ok. It’s nice to know I have these wonderful people as my friends. The worst part of it all is I get really bad insomnia when my depression is at its peak so not only do I feel sad and anxious but I also feel so so tired. That was all in a course of a week and a half. My anxiety isn’t as bad but it does play a nice little role of finding more things wrong when my depression is messing with me. I usually know how to cope and deal with it but I had a really hard time the past month and a half. It’s super frustrating to feel melancholy and literally have no reason to feel this way, I have a good life and a GREAT husband and for God’s sake I live in JAPAN! But you know that’s the way depression works and that’s ok because I am stronger than this!
A lot of people actually don’t know I deal with this because I am always happy and always have a smile on my face. But that just goes to show that you really don’t know what’s going on with someone just by seeing him or her everyday. A lot of my friends and family actually do not know that I deal with anxiety and depression because of the same reason. I don’t like feeling vulnerable but that’s the thing, it’s ok to feel vulnerable I can’t be strong all the time. All my life I’ve heard, “You’re the strongest person I know.” That’s all fine and dandy but at the same time I feel like I’m somehow letting people down with my vulnerabilities but again I too am human and it’s ok to feel feelings.
Over the past few years I’ve learned how to deal with both but as I’ve said I do have bad days and when I feel like it’s going to get bad I take a break from social media as well. Social media nowadays has such an impact on your mental health. My mental health is number one to me so when I’m not feeling a hundred percent I decide to take time for myself. This hiatus has actually been the longest one I’ve ever taken. I am feeling a lot better so I will be making a comeback soon! PROMISE!
So why did I decide to talk about it? Well quite honestly I read a friends post and I really feel like I need to talk about what I’m going through too because there are people out there who unfortunately feel alone. We are not alone our mental issues do not define us. I know that we can beat this and keep living our lives and that we are not alone in this. We just need to learn that it’s ok to talk about this! Anyways I really wanted to explain myself and also talk about this. I will be posting soon about the last of our Hiroshima trip and also be back on Instagram. I just want to say thank you to the people who are still following our instagram and also the blog while I deal with what I have to deal with. I’ll see you all soon on the next post. Thank you for reading!